Love is Not Enough
by karaclone
Summary: This story theorizes what happened between Starbuck and Apollo that led to their situation at the end of the season 2 finale. Thanks for your reviews! Note: spoilers from Lay Down Your Burdens 2. CHAP. 13 NOW UP.
1. Chapter 1

Kara looked at the ring on her finger. She felt something deep in her gut, an emotion she didn't think she would feel during what was supposed to be the happiest time in her life.

She couldn't keep it in any longer. She started to sob.

Wasn't she supposed to be happy? Sam had asked her to marry him a few hours before-- and she only slightly hesitated before she said "yes." She knew she loved him.

Didn't she?

Truth be known, what had seemed so obvious to her once before was now a little hazy.

It had been six months since she had rescued Sam from Caprica, and that time had been a blur. She remembered lots of partying, fighting, and sex. She also remembered him making her feel special and loved. And he had a great way of "handling" her when she got a little crazy. Almost every fight between them ended with her laughing.

Most importantly, he seemed to need her.

Anyone who knew him would think that he didn't need anyone. He'd always been in charge of his own destiny. Head of every pyramid team he'd ever been on--- from grade school to the pros. Head of the resistance on Caprica. Head of his work crew on New Caprica. He was a born leader.

Yet, he still listened to Kara. And wanted to please her.

It had been her idea for him to move down to the surface. He didn't want to go, because she made it clear she wasn't leaving Galactica, even though nearly a third of the crew had left to pursue new lives. Starbuck couldn't imagine giving up her Viper for a million cubits, much less life on a cold, wet, desolate rock. Sam had understood. He even offered to become a member of Galactica's maintenance crew so he could be with her. She knew he could do better, and insisted he move down the surface to see what he could find there. But it meant shuttling back and forth on weekends. He didn't miss a single one. Even when Starbuck was on duty, he would hang out alone in the officers' quarters for hours until her rack time. She would always come to bed exhausted, and he would just hold her until she had to get up a few hours later.

Tears streamed down her face as she thought back to those nights. She would always lie there in his arms, feeling the warmth of his breath as it hit the back of her neck. She always felt safe, but she also felt guilty. Because she couldn't stop imagining that it was Lee who was holding her.

"Thrace, you are such an idiot," she muttered under her breath as she wiped tears from her face.

She knew that she and Lee Adama didn't have a chance. He had made it clear that he and Lt. Dualla were together. Painfully clear. Every time he caught Kara looking at the two of them together, he would move to touch Dee in some way--- from something as small as brushing her elbow with his hand, to moving a strand of hair off of her face, to putting his arm around her shoulder. And who could blame him? Anastasia Dualla was elegant, graceful, and beautiful. Everything Kara was not. At least in her own mind.

"_You're not still frakking Dualla... are you?" _ She had said those words flippantly once to Lee, knowing that she would hurt him. She had wanted to hurt him at the time, because she felt betrayed. He was her partner. There was no one she would rather fly with, no one she would rather have watching her back.

And as much as she wanted to deny it, he was the only person she couldn't live without.

Which abruptly brought her back to Sam. She _did_ feel something very powerful for him. It just wasn't the same.

Just two hours before, she was just about to refill his glass with ambrosia when he placed his hand over hers.

"_No more for me." _

_She eyed him curiously and laughed. "I think you need it. You're starting to look just a little too serious."_

"_Well," he said reaching into his back pocket. "It doesn't get much more serious than this."_

_Starbuck dropped the ambrosia bottle. Sam was holding a tarnished silver band in between his thumb and index finger. And he was holding it out toward her._

"_You've gotta be kidding me," she said with a slight laugh. She saw the slightly hurt look on his face, and changed her tone. _

"_You aren't kidding."_

"_I know it's not much, but there's a bit of a shortage on gold and diamonds these days," he said a bit sarcastically. "And unfortunately, my standing as a star pyramid player doesn't carry the same clout as it did before the attacks. If it did, I could've gotten you a rock the size of your fist." He started to put it back in his pocket._

"_No," Kara said quickly. Why did she always have to frak everything up? "It's beautiful. It's perfect." Sam had stopped putting the ring away, but she still didn't reach for it. Neither said anything as Kara continued to stare at his hand._

"_So...," he said._

_Her heart pounded a little faster. "Samuel Thaddeus Anders... are you asking me to marry you?" _

_He smiled slightly. "That was kinda the idea."_

_Suddenly, she felt an urgent need to stall. She tried to justify her feelings of panic by telling herself she was just afraid of commitment. He sensed her hesitation and started to look a little concerned. _

"_What the hell is wrong with you, Thrace," she thought to herself. Why **wouldn't** she marry Sam? She cared for him deeply, and he was crazy about her. And Lee---- lately, any picture she had of Lee included Lt. Dualla. The more beautiful and more elegant Lt. Dualla._

_She eyed the floor, pointed at it, and shook her head. "Uh-uh... you're going to have to work a little harder than that." _

_Sam let out a small sigh of relief as he smiled and rolled his eyes. "All I can say is--- you'd better say 'yes' after all of this." He got down on one knee. "Kara Thrace, will you do me the honor of becoming Mrs. Samuel Anders?"_

"_Uh, I don't think so," she said teasingly. "But I'd be more than happy for you to become Mr. Kara Thrace."_

_He stood up, grabbed her, and swung her around. "I never really liked my name anyway." He put her on the ground and gave her the ring. She slowly slipped it on her finger and looked at it. She immediately pushed the twinge of sadness she felt to the back of her mind and looked up at him. "You have NO idea what you are getting into."_

_He said softly, "I have some idea."_

_She jumped up on him, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. He brought her to him quickly and planted his lips on hers. They moved toward her bunk and he threw her on the bed..._

Kara was quickly brought back to the present by the loud jolt of the door to the senior officer's quarters. She quickly wiped the tears off her face and tried to look busy. She glanced over to see Admiral Bill Adama standing in the doorway. This was unusual.

"Sir," she couldn't hide the surprise in her voice. "What--- what are you doing here?"

The Admiral looked around the room as though remembering what it was like to live in such tight quarters. He looked nostalgic, with a very slight smile on his face.

"Last I heard, Captain... this was my ship. Am I not welcome here?"

Starbuck felt her face turn red. "Of course. You are welcome any time... you know that. It's just that--- I've just never seen you in here before. You can stay as long as you like." She could feel that she was too upset to keep facing him, so she motioned to some clothes on her bunk. "Uh, do you mind if I continue..."

Adama gave a slight nod. "You do what you need to do. I just wanted to check in."

Starbuck smiled as she folded a shirt and put it in a box beneath her bunk, "No offense, but... since when do you come to the officers quarters to check in?" She didn't turn around as she grabbed a pair of pants and folded them over.

"No offense, but when did you start folding your clothes?" He had a slightly playful tone, but he couldn't hide the concern in his voice, as though he knew something was wrong. Starbuck froze for a moment. My gods, the old man knows, she thought. She abandoned the effort to fold the pants and threw them on the bed. She couldn't look at him.

"So. I guess good news travels fast," she said nervously. She put her hands on her waist and turned around slowly-- her eyes on the floor. She still couldn't look at him.

Adama's voice was quiet. "I like Sam, but he's definitely not military. He is stopping everyone in the hallway--- practically bouncing off the walls." Adama paused. "Says he's getting married."

Kara tried to force a small smile... still looking at the floor, the table, the wall. Why couldn't she look him in the eye? "Sorry about that. I'll tell him to bring down the enthusiasm a bit."

Adama moved closer to Kara so he was standing right in front of her. "You don't seem nearly as excited."

"Sir...," her voice cracked.

"Kara," Adama interrupted. He took her hand and held it. "You don't have to feel guilty about this. I know you still love my son."

Kara caught her breath and closed her eyes. How could he know? Had she been that obvious? "You... know...?" she said weakly.

Adama smiled. "Of course. But Zak is gone. And I know he would want you to be happy."

Kara exhaled, relieved. He thinks this is about Zak. For the first time, she looked at his face, grateful that her true feelings weren't coming through.

She wasn't about to say, actually, sir--- it's your OTHER son I'm thinking about. Lee is ALL I can think about. Day and night.

Afraid that her true feelings would be revealed if they talked much longer, she grabbed him in a hug, saying, "Thank you. "

Adama patted her on the back as he pulled away. "I just thought you should know I'm happy for you." He kissed her forehead and turned to walk away. As he reached the door, he turned around.

"So, are you two moving down to New Caprica after the wedding?"

Kara froze. When she agreed to marry Sam she didn't think about the fact that other aspects of her life might change. Leaving Galactica--- the only real home she'd ever known-- was the last thing she wanted to do.

"Of course not. Why would I do that?" she said.

Adama gave knowing smile and walked back to where Kara was standing. "Kara. It's been six months since we saw our last Cylon. You've been a great CAG for the nuggets." He took her hand into both of his. "But you'd be an even better mother."

Kara burst out laughing. "Me... a mother? That poor kid would be frakked up from day one." She stifled another laugh. "Excuse me... but I think I just proved my point."

Adama patted her hand. "I think you'd be surprised," he said as he started to walk away, "at how similar it is to being a CAG."

Kara smirked. "I don't think so. You're not getting rid of me that easily." She sounded a little desperate. She only felt truly at home when she was in the cockpit of a Viper. She wasn't leaving Galactica.

Adama turned as he reached the door. "The truth is Kara--- we're starting to cut back."

She felt her heart sink.

"We only need a small number of pilots to run the CAP each day. And even those pilots say there's really no reason to be out there. I'm starting to think the war might actually be over."

Kara felt as though she'd been kicked in the stomach. Life without Galactica--- even on a real honest-to-gods planet--- didn't sound that enticing. "The Cylons could come back any day. What happens then?"

Adama smiled. "I really don't think that's going to happen. And in the meantime, I have a long list of crew members who want to start a new life. You should be on that list. You've done more than your fair share for this fleet, now it's time for you and Sam to focus on each other."

Somewhere in the pit of her stomach, Kara knew this was the wrong decision, but she could tell that the old man didn't want to hear what she had to say. So she said nothing.

As Adama started to walk out the door he seemed to remember something, and stopped.

"Have you told Lee?"

Oh yeah, there was that. The very mention of his name sent her head into a tailspin. She tried to look casual as she leaned back on the bunk for support.

"Not yet."

"I won't say anything then. I'm sure you want to tell him yourself." He smiled and closed the door behind him.

Kara felt herself deflate. She curled up on her bunk and put her head into a pillow as the tears welled up in her eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Cmdr. Lee Adama glanced at the large stack of papers on his desk and sat back in his chair. He needed to approve the Pegasus duty logs from the past few days, but his heart wasn't in it. His heart hadn't been into much of anything these past few weeks.

Lately, his relationship with Lt. Dualla had been moving into a whole new arena. It started as a wonderful friendship, which evolved into a great playful romance... and now--- it seemed as though Dee wanted it to be a little more serious. He loved being with her, he loved every time they were able to get together, but he wasn't sure that he loved HER. He didn't want to jeopardize what they had by telling her his feelings, but he knew it wasn't fair to keep playing around either.

And then there was Kara.

To say their relationship was "complicated" was a serious understatement. Never before had anyone taken him to such heights and pushed him to such lows. Some might argue that he was a fool for feeling anything for her, because she had pushed him away on so many occasions.

Lee constantly replayed one scene in his mind from six months ago--- when Kara returned from Caprica with Sam Anders, a professional pyramid ball player who led the resistance movement on the doomed planet. She not only made a point of showing Lee that she felt something for Sam--- she rubbed his face in it, practically tearing off Anders' clothes right in front of him.

"_You're not still frakking Dualla... are you?"_

Those words from Kara stung at the time, but not as much as the ones that followed.

"_I mean, I'm not one to lecture or anything because I'll do just about anything to get into the pants of some hot little young thing," she had laughed._

He loved her laugh. It normally made his heart jump. But with those words, her laugh cut him to the bone. It was a reminder that she clearly didn't want **him**.

Once she'd practically attacked Lee, saying she wanted him and acting like an animal. He still remembered every touch, every smell--- and he wanted it to be special, wanted to savor every moment. But he was too slow for her. She literally pushed him away and practically accused him of being a wimp. And then came the clincher. Her hurtful words: _"There is no **us**. There is **nothing** here."_

Lee shut his eyes and cursed under his breath, "Lee, stop. Move on with your frakking life." He tried to push thoughts of Kara out of his head and reached for the first duty log.

He didn't lift his head when he heard the knock at the door.

"Come in." Someone entered the door and closed it.

Lee continued to stare at the report. "What is it?"

"It appears a commander's work is never done." The tone was sarcastic, and slightly uneasy.

Lee looked up at the sound of her voice. Kara was standing on the other side of his desk. She looked into his eyes for a brief moment before shifting her gaze to the other side of the room. As much as he hated himself for it, he was glad to see her.

"Kara. What brings you over to my little kingdom?"

Kara laughed. But it was nervous laugh. "Kingdom? Pegasus is definitely newer and perhaps a little bit more elegant than Galactica, but I would hardly call it a kingdom," she said a little too defensively. Her face suddenly got serious. "You've been over here too long."

Lee tilted his head with a slightly quizzical look. "Kara--- I was kidding."

She didn't let him finish before she started in again with a flash of anger in her voice. "I mean, just because you have a better looking ship doesn't mean that your ship is necessarily better."

"Whoa, Captain," Lee said as he stood up and moved to the front of his desk. "Can we call a truce here?" He put his hand on her shoulder and was surprised to notice that she was shaking. His voice immediately got softer. "Hey, what's wrong?"

She wasn't looking directly at him, but Lee could see that Kara was trying to fight back tears. He'd seen Kara in a lot of sticky situations before, but she had never appeared quite so scared. He wanted to pull her close to him and tell her everything was going to be OK. But he knew Kara, and he could tell that she would not allow him to get that close to her right now. Whatever was upsetting her was big. And he knew that if he tried to comfort her, she would push him away--- yet again. So he simply took her hand.

"Seriously, what's wrong?" he said softly.

Kara couldn't speak. Her head was swimming, and that wasn't helped by the fact that Lee was now touching her. She had told herself over and over again on the trip from Galactica to Pegasus that she would simply pop into his office, casually give him the good news, and tell him to stop by the pilot's lounge for a celebratory drink during his next trip to Galactica. But now that she was just inches away from him, she found that she didn't want to tell him about the engagement. But she also desperately didn't want to leave.

With her hand still in his, Kara tried to give a small smile and change the subject. She looked down at the stack of papers on the desk. "Is this what you do all day? Gods, don't ever make me a commander," her voice quavered.

Lee frowned. He was now sensing TWO emotions he'd never felt from Kara before: fear and apprehension. She was never afraid to speak her mind.

"Kara," he repeated. "What's wrong?"

A million thoughts rushed into Kara's mind all at once, most of them filled with unlikely scenarios. Perhaps she could figure out a way to get married to Sam without Lee finding out. Maybe she would tell Lee and he would laugh at her and tell her she was nuts. Or hopefully, a giant hole would open up beneath her right as she started speaking, and she would be whisked away into nothingness.

Or--- the absolute worst case she could imagine--- maybe she would tell him and he would be genuinely happy and excited for her, thus proving to her what she suspected all along--- that he didn't feel the same way about her that she felt about him.

She shuddered. The giant hole scenario was looking better and better.

Lee noticed the shudder. Frak it, he thought, and moved to hold her. He turned her around so she was facing him and pulled her to him. To his surprise, she let him do it. He stroked her hair with his hand and moved his mouth closer to her ear.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" he whispered.

That seemed to call her to attention. She jumped and moved away from him quickly. As she turned away from him, she gave a forced laugh. "Wrong? What could be wrong? I'm happier than I've ever been."

"You sure aren't acting happy."

Kara snipped, "Well, that just shows how much you DON'T know me. Because I am INCREDIBLY happy." Her voice cracked--- and she felt her face get hot. No Kara, she thought. Not NOW. Don't lose it NOW.

But she couldn't stop it. She burst into tears.

Lee was there in an instant, his arms around her. This made her cry even harder. He was at a loss--- she obviously didn't want to tell him what was wrong--- so he tried to lighten the conversation. "If this is you happier than you've ever been--- remind me to stay away from you on your bad days."

She pulled away and gave him a little smile. "Too late. You've already seen my bad days." She moved her hands up to wipe away the tears from her face, and noticed Lee stiffen almost instantly.

"What?" she said. "What is it?"

Lee reached up for her left hand and held it.

"This is new."

_Frak_, Kara thought. _I didn't take off my ring._

"Oh yeah... I'm engaged. Great, isn't it?" She gave a small nervous laugh.

Lee turned around and walked back behind his desk. His voice was quieter than she'd ever heard it before. "That's great. I'm sure you and Sam will be very happy." He pulled another report off his desk. "Now if you'll excuse me--- you can see I have a lot of work to do."

Of all the scenarios that rushed into Kara's head... this was not one of them. He was just going to dismiss her? How dare he.

"That's all you have to say? Have a nice life, Kara--- I have work to do...?"

Lee threw the report on the desk and stood up. He yelled, "What do you want me to say?"

Kara felt more emotions right now in one moment than she'd ever felt in her life. She stared at Lee, infuriated and aroused at the same time. " Why don't you just say how you feel!" she yelled.

"I feel---- I feel---," Lee was shouting. He stopped for a moment and sat down in his chair. He looked directly at her. "It doesn't matter how I feel. You've made that clear."

Kara stared back at him. She couldn't leave this situation this way.

"Frak it," she whispered under her breath. She knocked the reports on Lee's desk to the floor and fell onto the desk, at the same time pulling him on top of her. She felt some initial resistance, but as soon as she pulled his lips onto hers, he gave in. His hands were on her face, her neck, her waist. She scrambled to find the buttons on his shirt... and pulled it off of him. He buried his face in her neck and moved his hands to the button on her pants.

"Gods, I want you so much," he whispered into her ear as she pulled her fingers through his hair. She could only moan in response. She softly bit his shoulder as he pulled off her pants.

"Lee... gods, Lee... I love you."

Lee stopped for a moment and looked in her eyes. She looked shocked at her own words. And more than a little scared. He'd never seen her appear so vulnerable before.

"I love you, too, Kara. I always have."

He gently kissed her on the lips, a kiss that grew stronger and stronger... until it felt as though he would lose himself inside her. Then, he WAS inside of her. Their bodies moved together as though they'd never been with anyone else. They both felt complete.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Lee had a smile on his face as he slowly awoke. Without opening his eyes, he turned over to place his arm around Kara, but was surprised when he felt nothing but his pillow. All of a sudden, he had a sinking feeling. Had he dreamt that he and Kara had spent the last six hours making love in his bed? He opened his eyes and sat up.

"Kara?"

The sound of the silence was deafening. _I must be going frakking insane_, he thought. _I know I didn't imagine this_. "Kara...?"

"I believe protocol insists you refer to me as 'Captain,' Commander Adama," a teasing voice called from behind a wall.

Lee felt a wave of relief wash over him and took a deep breath. The smile returned to his face as he replied, "I believe protocol also calls for you to obey my direct orders, Captain. And I am ordering you back to bed."

Kara's smiling face appeared from behind the wall. She was putting her flight suit back on. "No can do, Commander. I've got duty in one hour." She walked over to the bed and sat down next to him. "And I know you commanders have a cushy life and all--- but surely someone needs you to bark an order at them in CIC or something." She laughed. And for the first time in a long time, Lee felt his heart jump.

He grabbed Kara and pulled her on top of him. He put his fingers in her hair as he whispered, "I enjoy ordering you around much more." He pulled her face down to his and kissed her, starting gently and becoming more forceful. Kara groaned as he moved to pull her shirt from her pants. She slowly pulled away. "Duty. Remember?"

Lee raised his eyebrows. "Duty. Got it."

As she reached down to put on her boots, Lee caught a glimpse of the silver engagement ring on her finger. He felt a subtle, but noticeable pang in his stomach.

"So. What are we going to do?"

Kara didn't look up. "What do you mean?"

Lee leaned over and placed his hand on hers so she would stop what she was doing. "I mean, what's going to happen here?"

Kara stood up. "Gods, Lee. I can't think about this right now."

Lee sighed as he leaned over the side of the bed to pull on a pair of shorts. Let the games begin. "We can't just ignore this, Kara."

Kara continued to put her boots on, a little more forcefully. Her head was reeling. She really didn't want to discuss this right now. "You think I don't know that?" she snapped. "I'm going to deal with it. But you just have to let me process everything that's happened in the last 24 hours. Is that asking too much?"

Lee stood up and put his arms around her. "No. It's not. I'm sorry. I know you have a lot to deal with right now. It's just---" He looked into her eyes and wondered if he should say what he was about to say. "It's just that I've waited so long for this. I don't want anything else to get in the way." He reached to hold her hand and touched her ring. "Like this."

Kara walked away to grab her flight jacket. All of a sudden, she felt very angry. She put on the jacket without looking at him. "Or Dualla?" she said through clenched teeth.

Lee flinched a bit. As strange as it might sound, he hadn't even thought of Dee once in the past six hours. He certainly didn't want to hurt her, but there was no question who was more important to him. He couldn't handle losing Kara. "If Dee is what you're worried about, don't be."

Kara scoffed. "Yeah, I shouldn't be worried about the fact that you are involved with a very intelligent and loyal woman who also just happens to be incredibly gorgeous. If you ask me, she sounds like a perfect mate for a commander." She felt that uncomfortable, yet disturbingly familiar heat in her face, and decided she couldn't break down in front of Lee again. She moved toward the door.

"I gotta go."

"Hey!" Lee said a bit loudly as she attempted to open the door. He followed her and took hold of her wrist.

"Hey," he repeated, much softer this time. He put his other hand up to her face. "It's true, I do care about Dee..." He felt Kara try to pull away from him, so he held onto her wrist more firmly. "Let me finish. I care about Dee. But I don't want you to think for a minute that she means more to me than you."

Kara looked up at him with moist eyes. Her voice only broke a little as she said somewhat forcefully, "Somehow I find that hard to believe." She twisted her wrist out of Lee's hand and pushed the door open. She didn't look back, but could feel his eyes following her as she rounded the corner and headed toward the launch bay.

Lee continued to stand in the doorway for several moments after Kara disappeared around the corner. He replayed the conversation in his head, trying to figure out what exactly went wrong.

The sound of someone clearing their throat snapped him back to reality. A young female petty officer was standing in the hallway with a clipboard. She was trying not to make eye contact with Lee, who quickly realized he was only wearing a pair of gym shorts.

"Uh... Commander Adama, sir. I am here for the duty logs."

"Of course. I'll have those reports for you in just a moment." He walked back inside his quarters and closed the door behind him.

Ten minutes later, he returned fully dressed and handed the hastily signed duty reports to the petty officer. He desperately wanted to see if he could get hold of Kara, but needed to check on CIC first.

When he arrived, they gave him the same report he'd heard repeatedly over the last six months.

"Nothing to report, sir."

"Carry on, then. I'll be in my quarters."

"Yes, sir."

In his quarters, he sat and stared at a photo he had of himself, Zak, and Kara. All of them were smiling, and Kara had her arms around Zak. He missed his younger brother. He loved him fiercely. But from the beginning, he was envious of Zak's relationship with Kara. Lee didn't realize at the time that he himself was falling in love with her. He only knew that they had a unique connection.

The day that Zak told Lee he was going to ask Kara to marry him was one of the happiest and one of the worst days of Lee's life. He was happy for his brother. He was also happy for himself because, if she accepted, she would become a part of the Adama family and would remain in his life.

But that was also the day he realized that he felt much more for her than a brother-in-law should. Over the next few months, he tried to distance himself from Kara and Zak because of the guilt. Then when Zak died, he felt even more guilty--- for not being there for his brother, and because seeing Kara at the funeral stirred up the feelings he still had for her. He made up his mind at that point that he would never pursue Kara, because he felt he was betraying his brother. And he made a point of not seeing her over the next couple of years.

_I did my damnedest, Zak,_ he thought as he looked at the photo. _You of all people should know how difficult it is to resist Kara Thrace. _

He smiled as he thought of what had happened the night before, then frowned as he remembered how Kara left. She looked so hurt, and so sure that he was going to choose Dee over her.

He couldn't allow her to think that. Not even for one more day.

He picked up the phone. "Get me Galactica."


	4. Chapter 4

**Note**: Thanks to everyone for your reviews... I'm truly enjoying writing this, and I'm glad you are enjoying reading it!

**Warning**: for all the Lee/Kara shippers out there. It's pretty obvious that I'm a L/K shipper as well, and I know they will eventually work out their issues on the show--- but since this is supposed to be an explanation of what might have happened to drive them apart at the end of season 2, please be aware that this story takes some not-so-ideal twists and turns. I hope much of it is enjoyable though--- because it expresses my genuine feelings about their relationship.

**Chapter Four**

Starbuck slammed her head back against her headrest as she moved her Viper into position alongside Galactica. _Dammit. What was I thinking?_ she thought as she reflected on the hours before with Lee.

She was so confused. First of all, she felt angry. She was angry at Lee for--- _well, dammit... for being Lee_, she thought. Last night with him was everything she imagined it would be. No one knew her as well as Lee. They didn't always agree--- hell, they rarely agreed, but they always fought through it and still loved each other on the other side. He had this way of getting under her skin, and calling her out on things no one else would ever dare approach with her. She was always mad as hell at the time--- she even slugged him once--- but he always forced her to take a closer look at herself when she needed it the most.

Who better to spend the rest of your life with than someone who knows you better than you know yourself?

She smiled as she muttered, "Life with him would certainly never be boring."

"What was that, Captain?"

Starbuck had forgotten that she still had an open channel with Hotdog, who was flying as her wingman on today's CAP run.

"Sorry, Hotdog. Forget I said anything."

Thinking back on the night before, she was angry at herself as well. She'd had no intention of telling Lee that she loved him. But those were the only words that described what she felt at that moment. When she was in his arms, she felt like she'd finally come home. It felt almost as though she'd finally found a huge puzzle piece that she'd been searching for all her life, the critical piece that made the entire puzzle make sense. It was an incredible--- and foreign--- feeling.

Still, she didn't like to let down her guard like that. She didn't actually realize that she'd said the words out loud until he stopped to look at her. That made her feel like she'd lost control, and Starbuck did not like to lose control.

Without even really thinking about it, Starbuck rolled her Viper 180 degrees and positioned herself perfectly underneath Hotdog, flying at an identical speed about fifteen feet beneath him.

"What the frak," Hotdog muttered. "With all due respect Starbuck, what the hell are you doing?"

Starbuck gave a small laugh as she resumed her position next to him. "Just keeping you on your toes, Hotdog. I'm worried that all of these uneventful CAP runs might be making my pilots a little soft."

"Understood." Hotdog spoke slowly, as if he really didn't understand… but was trying to humor her. "If you don't mind though--- just give me a little warning before you do that again."

"Don't worry, I gave you plenty of room. Remember, I always have everything under complete control." ..._At least when I'm in a Viper_, she thought.

Another thing she found she couldn't control was Lee's reaction to what she'd said. She couldn't shake the feeling that she had created a situation where he felt obligated to say he loved her, too.

"_I love you, too, Kara. I always have."_

How could he love her? She'd brought him nothing but heartache since they met.

Lee knew she had let her personal feelings get in the way when she was Zak's flight instructor--- and passed him in basic flight, even though he'd clearly failed. She never imagined that move would cost Zak his life. He died making a rookie mistake on his first mission. Both she and Lee were devastated by his death.

Just recently, she really hurt Lee when she thought Sam was dead as well. She had promised Sam that she would return as soon as possible to Caprica to rescue him and the other resistance fighters, but it took her months to get permission to go back. She was sure that he wouldn't survive that long. So in an effort to take away the pain, she had too much to drink and tried to sleep with Lee for all the wrong reasons. She didn't even take his feelings into account as she desperately tried to recreate her experience with Sam, in a foolish schoolgirl fantasy to bring him back to life. Lee, of course, had no clue was she was trying to do--- and couldn't live up to a memory he'd never experienced, so she eventually got frustrated and pushed him away.

As if that wasn't enough, she felt the need to hurt him to prove to herself that she was still in control of the situation:

"_There is no **us**. There is **nothing** here."_

She didn't mean a word of it. But Lee didn't know that.

And just a few weeks after that embarrassing incident, she once again let her feelings get in the way--- this time during a rescue attempt involving Lee and dozens of other hostages. Because Lee was involved, she decided **she** wanted to do reconnaissance on the mission, when she knew she should've sent someone else. Her cover was blown, things quickly deteriorated, and she had to start shooting. Just seconds into it, she accidentally shot Lee in the chest. She would never forget the shocked look he gave her as a Marine forced her to leave the room. She desperately wanted to stay with Lee--- to hold him and tell him just how sorry she was, but all she could do was sit outside the room for several agonizing hours, wondering if she'd killed him.

The memory of that night brought her thoughts back to Dee. Dee was with Lee when he was shot, and was the one who took care of him. She probably saved his life. To make matters worse, she insisted on staying by his side while he recovered in the hospital, and helped him through rehab. Kara felt so guilty she couldn't approach him for days. She spent hours watching him from afar, and would disappear anytime it looked like he might spot her.

What had Lee said to her just before she left his quarters? _"I care about Dee. But I don't want you to think for a minute that she means more to me than you."_

How could Lee feel more for the woman who shot him and then deserted him than the one who kept him alive and supported him? It just didn't add up.

Kara wanted to be with Lee so much. But based on their history, she just knew that eventually she would frak things up and drive him away.

Hotdog's voice shattered the silence. "So Starbuck... I wasn't sure if I should say anything... but I hear congratulations are in order."

She held her breath for a second. "Trust that first instinct, Hotdog. We're not out here to get all close and personal."

Hotdog sounded a little apologetic. "Gotcha, Captain. Maybe later."

_The final nail in the coffin_... Starbuck thought. On top of everything else--- she felt guilty. Sam was nothing but great to her. He'd done absolutely nothing wrong. And she'd betrayed him.

_Once again, Thrace, _Starbuck thought, _you frakked up. Big time._

The question was, what was she going to do about it?


	5. Chapter 5

**Note:** It's been a busy day today, so I apologize for the short chapter. I'll make it up later, I promise!

**Chapter Five**

Lee was pacing in front of his desk in his quarters, trying to figure out what he was going to say.

"So, Dee," he said to an empty chair in front of him, "I'm not so sure this is going to work out."

He winced as the words came out. "Too cliché," he mumbled.

He stopped pacing to sit on the edge of his desk. Once again he addressed the empty chair. "Dee, where do you feel our relationship is headed?"

"Dammit, Lee," he cursed under his breath. "If she tells you she thinks everything's great--- THEN what are you going to say?"

Just then, he heard a knock. Lee stood up and looked at the door.

_I guess we'll soon find out what I'm going to say_, he thought as he took a deep breath. He walked over to the door and opened it.

Dee was always thrilled to see him, and today was no exception. She breezed in and waited until he closed the door before throwing her arms around his neck.

"Hey sexy," she murmured as she moved closer to him. "I'm so glad you called me over. I didn't think we would see each other again for at least a week." As she placed her lips on his, it only took about a second for her to realize that something was different. She broke off the kiss and looked up at him, concerned. Lee gave her a small smile before motioning for her to sit down. She didn't.

"What's wrong?"

_Frak,_ Lee thought, _this is going to be MUCH more difficult than I thought._ He thought he might be able to ease into the conversation, but obviously, he wasn't very good at hiding his feelings.

"Don't you want to sit?" he said.

"No," she replied softly, "I want you to tell me what's going on."

He took her hand and held it with both of his. He spoke slowly. "Dee. I don't know exactly how to tell you this----"

She took her hand away and backed up a couple of steps. "You're breaking up with me."

Lee wasn't sure what to say. _Yes, as a matter of fact I am_, seemed like a bad choice at the moment.

She turned away from him and quietly asked, "So, what happened?"

That question threw Lee for a loop. He wasn't sure he was prepared to tell her everything.

"I'm not sure what you mean," he said slowly.

Dee sensed his hesitation and turned back to face him. "I could be wrong, but I got the impression the last time we met that everything was fine--- actually better than fine. Something must've happened."

Lee looked down. All of a sudden he couldn't really face her. "I just... I just decided that I wasn't ready---" He stopped. He couldn't tell her that he wasn't ready for a commitment, and then have her find out days later that he was seeing Kara. He walked over to her and sat her down on the couch. Once again, he took her hand in his and looked in her eyes.

"There's someone else."

"Starbuck," she said immediately. She stood up and walked across the room. Neither of them said anything for what seemed like an eternity, but was probably only about thirty seconds. Lee wished he could see her face, but she didn't turn around.

Finally, she said very quietly, "You know, I knew it--- I just didn't want to admit it. I thought you two would've hooked up a lot earlier if you were interested in each other. Stupid, huh?"

Lee couldn't say anything. This wasn't happening at all like he thought it would. He thought he would tell Dee he couldn't see her anymore. She would get upset, cry, yell, maybe hit him, and then leave. None of that had happened.

Then, Dee's body language changed. She stiffened and turned to face Lee. Her face was very serious. "So. What made you realize NOW that you want to be with her?"

Lee knew he owed it to her to tell her the truth, but he just couldn't bring himself to hurt her that way. Turns out, he didn't have to say a word.

"You SLEPT with her, didn't you."

It was more of a statement than a question. But Lee thought it was amazing how she managed to say it without yelling at him. "You son of a bitch. How long has this been going on?"

Lee stood up. "It's not like that. She came here last night, really upset." He moved to where she was. "Dee. This wasn't planned. It just happened."

All of a sudden, Dee slapped him across the face. "That wasn't planned either. Still hurts, doesn't it?" She walked out of the room.

Lee sat down. _Well, _he thought._ I guess it **ended** the way I thought it would._

He hoped Kara's conversation with Sam would go better.


	6. Chapter 6

Starbuck stood in the empty pilots' briefing room and looked at the roster on the podium. Four more names were crossed off her list--- a sign that four more pilots were hanging up their uniforms and heading down to New Caprica.

_Damn_, she thought. _How can the old man keep accepting these resignations?_

She looked at the remaining names and tried to figure out who she could place on that morning's CAP run. The few pilots left on the list had just come off a 12-hour shift, which meant rack time was mandatory.

"Well, looks like I'm the only one," she said to no one in particular.

A familiar voice across the room made her jump. "That's funny. I was just saying that same thing about you."

Starbuck looked up. Apollo was standing before her in his full flight uniform.

"Lee. You scared the crap out of me." Her heartbeat quickened when she saw him smile at her.

He walked up to the podium and stood right next to her. "Sorry. You were saying...?"

Starbuck was finding it hard to concentrate on the roster with Lee standing so close to her. _Man, he smells good._ She cleared her throat. "I lost another four pilots today. Soon we're not going to be able to even get a CAP in the air."

Lee leaned in closer to her and took a look at the roster over her shoulder. "Looks like you need a wingman." She could feel his breath on her neck as he said softly, "I'd love to fly with you."

Starbuck closed her eyes. She didn't want to turn to look at him, because she knew it would place her mouth just a couple of inches from his. "What makes you think I need a wingman, Commander?"

"Starbuck..." He placed his hand on the small of her back. His touch made her shiver slightly. "Why haven't you returned my calls? It's been three days."

She really needed to get away from him to have this conversation, but found she couldn't move.

"I've been really busy, and I know the life of a commander is pretty hectic---"

"Yeah," Lee gave a small laugh as he moved away. "Trust me. Life as a commander--- post-Cylons--- not so hectic."

Now that he was no longer so close to her, Starbuck found herself taking a breath for what seemed like the first time since he'd entered the room. She wasn't sure how to have this conversation. The reason she hadn't talked to Lee in three days is because she was trying to get up enough courage to tell him that she couldn't be with him.

It sounded ridiculous--- even to her--- but she just couldn't stand the thought of being with Lee when she **knew** she would eventually drive him away. The inevitable breakup would be too painful for her to bear.

While she cared for Sam, she knew that she could survive a breakup with him... if and when she managed to frak up that relationship.

Also, she wanted Lee to be happy. And as much as she couldn't stand seeing him with Dee--- she knew Dee loved him and would make him happy.

It was almost as though Lee was reading her mind. He looked directly at her and said, "I broke up with Dee."

Starbuck's heart stopped for just a moment. "Gods, Lee. I didn't ask you to do that."

"No. No, you didn't. But you didn't have to. I don't love her." He slowly walked back over to her. "I love you."

Now she was _really_ confused. Up until a minute ago, she was sure that going through with marriage to Sam was the best thing for everyone involved. Now that Lee told her he had given up Dee for her... she wasn't so sure anymore.

Lee was dangerously close to her once again, looking down at her as she tried to process what he'd just said.

"You'd better say something soon Kara. Because I really need to kiss you right now."

Against her better judgment, Kara turned to him and placed her hands on both sides of his face. She brought his mouth down to hers. He placed his arms inside of her open flight jacket and pulled her closer to him. He moved his mouth from her lips and started kissing her neck, her ear, her closed eyes, and then moved back to her open mouth. They spent the next minute or so exploring each other, before Kara pushed him away.

"I can't do this---" she said breathlessly. "I'm sorry, Lee."

Lee threw his hands up in frustration and shouted, "For gods' sake, Kara... I can't handle much more of this! What do I have to do to prove to you that I love you? Tell me... because I will do it!"

She'd seen Lee get angry before, but never with quite as much passion. It excited and scared her at the same time.

All of a sudden, she was able to picture the future quite clearly... and she knew **exactly** what she had to do.

She walked up to Lee and slowly extended her hand.

"Fly with me?"

Lee seemed to soften a bit. He gave her a small smile before putting his hand in hers. "Always."

The next several minutes were a blur. Starbuck vaguely recalled doing her final flight check before climbing into her Viper. As she was about to put on her helmet, she looked over at Lee, who kept glancing in her direction as he performed his own flight check. Their eyes locked for a second, and Starbuck mouthed the words, "Everything's going to be OK." He smiled at her. Her heart melted.

Starbuck and Apollo flew side by side for several minutes without saying a word. Apollo broke the silence.

"Have you talked to Sam?"

Starbuck's voice sounded very calm as she replied, "I called him right before I went on duty. He's meeting me later today."

"Good." Apollo sounded slightly relieved. Several seconds went by before he asked the next question.

"Have you decided what you're going to tell him?"

Starbuck sounded a bit wistful. "I wasn't sure until about thirty minutes ago."

_What does that mean?_ thought Apollo. _Should I even ask?_

He decided he was better off not knowing. As long as Kara took care of the situation, he didn't need to know how she was going to do it.

"Kara... I know this is really difficult for you."

A slight smile crossed Kara's lips. "You have no idea," she responded softly.

"But I think I do. I mean, I'm not sure I was as close to Dee as you are to Sam--- but I do realize that this is one of the most difficult things you've ever had to do. I know you don't want to hurt him."

"I never want to hurt anybody," Starbuck said with a definite twinge of sadness in her voice. _And yet, I always seem to._

Apollo wasn't sure what to say. He **did** feel bad for Sam, but he was also incredibly overjoyed. How could he not be? He felt like his life was just about to start. Once Kara became a part of it, he was never going to let her go.

He sensed that she didn't want to talk anymore, so they spent the rest of the run in silence.

Back in Galactica's hangar bay, Apollo walked over to Starbuck's Viper as she climbed out of it. He extended a hand for her as she jumped off the ladder, and continued to hold it even after she was on the ground.

Apollo noticed a couple members of the ground crew staring at the two of them. He wanted to tell them to mind their own business. Since he and Starbuck were stationed on different ships, a relationship between them was not against regulations. He looked down at Starbuck. She didn't seem to notice any of the activity around her. She seemed distracted.

"Starbuck," he said softly. No response.

"Starbuck." This time a little louder. She seemed to snap out of it, and turned to look at him.

Still holding her hand, Apollo looked into her eyes. He was concerned.

"You okay?"

Starbuck managed a small smile. "Sure."

He looked at her like he didn't quite believe her, but he sensed there was nothing else he could do. He brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed it gently.

"I've got to get back to Pegasus. See you later?"

Starbuck smiled and nodded. She watched as Apollo turned and walked back to his Viper. Right before climbing the ladder, he seemed to think twice and turned around once more.

"You sure you're okay?" he called to her.

"Go back to your cushy life, Commander," she teased.

He smiled as he turned away from her and climbed into the cockpit. Starbuck continued to watch as they loaded his Viper in the launching bay.

"Good-bye," she whispered as he took off.


	7. Chapter 7

NOTE: Thanks again for the encouraging reviews! They are really helping me! I apologize again for the short chapter, but after you read it, I think you'll understand. It was difficult to write.

And a reminder--- since this is the story that explains their situation at the end of season two... anyone Lee/Kara shippers will not be happy with the next couple of chapters (trust me, it pains me too...!). I had to create a situation where Apollo would be as mad at Starbuck as he seemed at the end of season two. My apologies in advance...

The good news is, since this storyline is depressing me at this point--- I'm much more motivated to write something that will bring them back together...! 

Chapter 7

Kara stood in front of the Admiral's quarters and stared blankly at the door. She'd been standing there for at least 30 minutes, trying to talk herself into knocking.

_You've gotta do this,_ she thought to herself. _It's the only way._

All of a sudden, the door started to open. "Starbuck," the Admiral looked surprised to see her.

Now that she saw him, she just wanted to run the other way. She stood there, trying to form words in her mind that made sense.

The Admiral eyed her curiously. "Is there something I can do for you?"

She still couldn't think of anything to say, so she just pointed inside his quarters. "May I?"

The Admiral moved out of the way, "Of course."

Starbuck walked through the door and stood in the middle of the room. The Admiral closed the door and motioned for her to sit down.

He looked at her for a few seconds before saying, "So what's bothering you?"

Kara exhaled. "Um... I--- well, actually, I was hoping you could do me a huge favor."

The Admiral smiled. "Anything for you. You know that."

She was about to say something else when someone knocked at the door. The Admiral stopped her with his hand. "Come in," he called.

The door opened. Sam was standing there... looking slightly confused. Kara gave him a small smile and walked over to him. He grabbed her hand and kissed her on the cheek.

Kara felt slightly ill at what she was about to say. She looked down at Sam's hand in hers and turned to face Adama.

"Sir…," She took a deep breath. "Sir, I would like for you to marry us... NOW."

"What?" Sam and the old man had the same reaction.

Kara turned to Sam with the most determined look she could muster. "I figure, why wait? If we're going to do this, let's do this."

Sam gave her a puzzled look before turning to Adama. "Excuse me, sir. Just a moment." He took Kara's arm and led her to the other side of the room.

"Is this why you called me here?" he asked.

Kara couldn't speak. She simply nodded.

"Kara, what's going on?"

This is exactly what Kara **didn't** want. She knew the more she talked about this, the more she would NOT want to go through with it. And she had made up her mind that this is what had to happen.

She had already reached that conclusion once before--- right after that night with Lee--- but at that time, she was only thinking of herself. She thought **she** was the only one who wouldn't survive once she drove him away.

When Lee blew up at her in the briefing room, she could not only see the pain that she caused him... she could feel it as well. It tore her up inside. The fact that she could inflict that much pain on him scared her.

If she married Sam, she knew Lee would be devastated... but he would have to let her go. And it would be the last time she would ever hurt him. He could move on with his life and find someone who would make him happy--- someone who would treat him as well as he deserved to be treated.

She felt sick to her stomach. But she knew she had to do this.

"Look, Sam. Do you want to get married or not?"

He sighed. "You know I do. But I just asked you four days ago. Isn't this a little sudden?"

She decided to take a different angle. She put her hands on either side of Sam's face and looked into his eyes.

"Look. If we've learned anything from what's happened in the past year and a half, it's that what we have today could be gone tomorrow." She could tell from his eyes that she was getting through.

"Sam...," she sounded a little desperate. "What's the point of waiting?"

Sam thought about this for a moment. He looked down at Kara's hand and played with the ring on her finger. He smiled at her. "Does this mean I need to make room in the tent immediately?" he said softly. "Because it's real mess right now."

Kara put on her best attempt at a smile as she put her arms around Sam's neck and pulled him toward her. She squeezed her eyes shut--- trying to push back the tears she felt coming on.

She tried to ignore the dull pain in her chest. In a matter of minutes, she would be losing the two things she loved more than life itself--- her Viper... and Lee.


	8. Chapter 8

**NOTE**: Another tough chapter for L/K shippers… it'll get better, I promise….! But it may take me a couple of days to get another chapter ready--- this has been emotionally draining…

**Chapter Eight  
**

Kara was freezing. And the rain wasn't helping. Everything in Sam's tent was wet.

"Does it ever warm up down here?" she called out to Sam as she picked through a pile of clothing, trying to find something that wasn't damp.

Sam had a sarcastic smile as he entered the tent, "Welcome to New Caprica. I've been here for five months now, and no--- I've never seen the sun."

"Great," she mumbled under her breath, "I gave up my warm, dry Viper for this."

Sam chuckled as he attempted to put more layers on. "I'm going down to the market. Do you need anything?"

"A dry bed would be nice. I know dry underwear is a luxury, but I'd appreciate that as well. If they don't have that, ANY dry food would be welcome."

"How about semi-dry? I think I might be able to manage that." He walked up behind Kara and squeezed her. "I think our **completely** dry days are over."

"Great," she said somberly as she continued to sort through wet clothes.

Sam turned her around and said softly, "Hey. I know it's only been two weeks, but I'm starting to worry that you really hate it down here."

"You **don't** hate it down here?" she said incredulously. "Sam, this place is a dump."

Sam smiled, "Yeah, but it's **our** dump."

She groaned.

"Seriously, give me a chance, Kara. I'm just so happy to have you down here. I promise I'll do whatever I can to make you happy."

Kara softened a bit. "I'm sorry, Sam. It's not you. I'm just having a hard time adjusting." She looked around. "Things are just so different here. I'm sure I'll get used to it... eventually."

Sam kissed her and grabbed his coat. "I'll be back soon. Try not to get wet while I'm gone."

Kara pointed at him and said sarcastically, "Ha--- you're funny! I knew there was a reason I married you." She watched Sam as he practically bounced down the mud path to the market.

_How can he be so happy? _

_And will I ever be happy again?_

Somehow, she doubted it. She missed Galactica. She missed her Viper. And more than anything, she missed Lee.

She turned back into the tent and moved over to the clothes she'd been sorting. As she placed her hand on top of the pile, she stared at it... and flashed back to the last time she'd seen Lee, when he was holding her hand in Galactica's hangar bay. She could still feel his lips on her skin as he kissed it.

"_See you later?"_ he had asked. Those words haunted her now. She wondered if Lee ever wanted to see her again.

She hated the way she left things. She didn't tell him that she'd gotten married. Nor did she tell him that she was moving to New Caprica. She just left, because she couldn't face him.

If she'd told Lee that she was planning to actually go through with the marriage, he would've talked her out of it. If she'd told him that she was planning to move down to the surface, he would've talked her out of it. And she still believed that this was the right thing to do, not only for her sake, but for Lee's as well.

She knew he knew by now. The Admiral undoubtedly told him. She wondered how he was doing.

"Kara."

Kara froze at the sound of the voice behind her. Did she imagine it? She didn't want to turn around.

"Kara." The voice was louder this time.

She still didn't turn around. "What brings you here from Pegasus, Commander?"

"I think you know." His voice was very controlled, but she knew him well enough to hear a hint of emotion---was it anger… or possibly sadness… or maybe both?--- beneath the surface.

She slowly turned around. Lee was staring at her, his blue eyes piercing right through her. He looked tired--- as though he hadn't slept in days--- but he still looked amazing. It took all of her strength not to run to him. When his eyes caught hers, they appeared to soften for a split second, like he, too, wanted to hold her. But they quickly hardened once again as he started to look around the tent.

"So," he said slowly. "I just had to see what the big draw was."

His voice was still controlled, but there was no mistaking the underlying emotion that time. He was angry.

Kara took a deep breath. "Lee---"

Lee held up his hand. "Don't." He walked over to the opposite side of the tent from where she was standing. But he never took his eyes off of hers. "I only have a couple of things to say, and then I'll leave you alone Kara."

Kara shuddered at the way he said the word "alone." Like she wasn't going to see him for a very long time.

"I just wanted you to know that I get it now. I understand."

She was almost afraid to ask. "Understand what?"

"I understand that you really meant it that time when you said 'there is no **us**.'" His jaw clenched right after he said those words. She could tell she'd really hurt him. He continued, "I tried to force the situation, and that was a mistake."

Kara closed her eyes._ No, **I **made the mistake when I said those words,_ she wanted to say. But she knew that wouldn't solve anything.

"I also wanted to tell you that President Baltar offered me a chance to come down to the planet to act as an advisor."

Kara tried not to let it show, but that news excited her. Even though he hated her now, just knowing that he would be nearby gave her hope that they could one day be friends again.

Lee continued. "But I said 'no.' I think Gaeta is going to take the job. He's ready to leave Galactica, and already has one foot in the door with the President."

He gave a weak smile.

"You know, I tried to tell myself that I didn't want to come down here because I couldn't leave the exciting life of a battlestar commander. But the truth is, Kara, I just can't be this close to you."

She could feel tears welling up in her eyes. "Lee---"

She stopped because she couldn't say what she wanted to say: _Lee, I love you so much. But love is not enough for us_. _You're much better off without me in your life. _

Sensing that she wasn't going to finish, Lee turned to leave.

"Lee," she called again as he reached the opening of the tent. He stopped and turned to look at her.

"I never wanted to hurt you," she said softly.

He stared at her for several seconds before replying. "And yet, you always seem to." He walked out.

A tear fell down Kara's face. "And that," she whispered, "is why I can't be with you."


	9. Chapter 9

**NOTE**: Thanks again for the reviews… you all are too kind…! Sorry for the delay--- I'm assuming that I'm not the only one who's had trouble uploading documents onto the website the last few days.

**The set-up for this chapter**: I have to do a little story exposition in order to deal with the whole Cylon occupation thing. I think the occupation is a GREAT plot development for the show--- but as far as Lee and Kara's relationship goes… it's an obstacle that might as well be the size of Antarctica. So please bear with me! We've now jumped six months into the future... (if Ron Moore & David Eick can jump a year--- I figure I can jump six months...!). The following scene starts the moment the season two finale ends.

**Chapter Nine**

Starbuck stood silently between Tyrol and Callie as everyone watched the Cylon centurions march through New Caprica City. The sound of metallic stomping filled the air, every once in a while punctuated by a gasp or sob from one of the colonists.

"Where the frak did they come from?" Callie whispered.

"Not important right now," Starbuck whispered back. She wished she could say that she was surprised to see them, but she wasn't. "We need to move."

She looked up--- and noticed no more Raiders appeared to be in the air. She knew they had very little time. She turned to Tyrol. "Find as many weapons as you can and head north to the mountains. We'll meet there." Tyrol nodded and reached for Callie. Starbuck grabbed his arm and got close to his ear. "Spread the word--- but only to people you know you can trust."

"Sure thing, Captain," Tyrol said. He and Callie disappeared into the crowd.

Starbuck headed in the other direction. She had to get back to Sam, even though she wasn't sure what she was going to do once she got there. Since he had pneumonia, a trip to the mountains might kill him. But she wasn't sure that they had a choice.

Her other major concern: Lee. Just minutes before the Raiders started flying over New Caprica City, she had contacted him to ask him for antibiotics for Sam.

She didn't want to call. He was so angry with her the last time they'd talked--- which was just a couple of weeks after she'd married Sam. The fact that she hadn't heard anything from him in almost six months made her think he was still furious.

When she heard his voice, she knew she was right.

"_What do you want."_

She hesitated. On the one hand, she was so happy to hear his voice because she hadn't talked to him in so long. On the other hand, it served as a very painful reminder that he was obviously still angry. She decided to stay on task.

"_I need a favor."_

"_Is that right?"_

She was sure that he wasn't going to help her. Especially when he told her to hang on... and effectively put her on hold. Moments later he got back on the comm and with an amazing amount of force in his voice, said simply one word...

"Move." Then, silence as he hung up.

She had stared at the intercom for a few moments wondering what the hell he meant. Now she realized he was trying to warn her.

She knew that the Cylons most likely surprised Pegasus and the other ships in the Fleet. She also knew that neither Pegasus nor Galactica had enough manpower to fight this many Raiders, so she couldn't help but wonder if anyone orbiting the planet was still alive.

She shook her head, attempting to shake away the thought. _He can't be dead,_ she reasoned. _I would've felt something_. She desperately hoped that was the case.

But for now, she realized she had to push thoughts of Lee to the back of her mind.

When she reached the tent, Sam was barely conscious, and shivering. "Man--- here--- for you." She wasn't sure what he was trying to say, but it didn't matter. She placed her hand on his forehead. He was burning up. She grabbed a blanket and placed it on top of him.

"Sam..." she said as she stuffed clothes into a bag. "Sam, I don't know if you know what I'm saying, but we have to get out of here."

Sam simply moaned. Starbuck grabbed a wool scarf and placed it around his neck. She then reached under the bed, pulled out a large suitcase, and opened it. She was supposed to turn in her military pistols when she left Galactica--- luckily for her, she knew they would eventually be of more use to her on the planet. She pulled one out, loaded it, and placed it in her waistband. She closed the case and set it next to the door.

"Sam..." Starbuck repeated. "Sam! I need you to stand up. I'm not going to be able to carry you." She sat on the side of the bed and pulled Sam up into a sitting position. He stayed upright, but clearly lacked the power to swing his legs onto the floor. Starbuck had a sinking feeling that she wasn't going to be able to get him out of the tent, much less into the mountains.

"Sam," she was pleading now, "STAND UP. We have to go... NOW!"

The emotion in her voice seemed to wake him up a bit. "Kara. What's going on?"

Kara looked him in the eyes. "We need to go. The Cylons are back."

"Frak." Sam slowly put his feet on the floor and hung his head. "When?"

Starbuck grabbed Sam's boots and placed them on his feet. "Just arrived. We have to get out of here before they get back up in the air where they can spot us."

"Understood," Sam said as he struggled to stand up. "Are we going to the mountains?"

Kara gave a small smile. The two of them thought alike when it came to military action. "That's my boy. We'll take it easy, but I need you to give me all the strength you've got." She swung the bag over her back and placed his arm around her shoulder. He walked two steps toward the tent opening before stumbling. Kara found she could barely keep him upright. She led him back to the bed, where he collapsed in a coughing fit. He tried to sit up again, but couldn't.

"I'm sorry," he said weakly. "I want to move, but my body doesn't."

All of a sudden, Starbuck came to a terrifying realization. Sam couldn't be moved. She grabbed her weapons case again and loaded a second gun. She placed it next to the bed and laid a couple of blankets over Sam. She kissed his forehead and sat on the bed next to him.

"That's okay," she said, trying to convince Sam--- and herself--- that there was another solution. "We'll just move on to Plan B."


	10. Chapter 10

_**Chapter Ten**_

_**Onboard the Battlestar Galactica-- One Hour after jumping from New Caprica**_

Admiral Adama stood in the situation room... staring at a map of New Caprica City. Apollo stood on the other side of the room, discussing charts with Helo.

"It looks like six Basestars jumped into orbit right before we jumped away," Helo said. "We didn't get a count of Raiders, but given the number of Basestars--- we can expect that number to be in the thousands."

"Frak," Apollo said under his breath. "How many pilots do we have?"

Helo hesitated before answering. "Eight, including you. But that's not counting our back-ups."

"Back-ups? What back-ups?"

Helo looked over at the Admiral. The Admiral gave a slight nod. Helo continued. "Over the last few months, the Admiral has been encouraging the remaining crew on Galactica to undergo basic flight training during their down time."

Apollo looked at the old man. Adama looked back at the map as he spoke. "Seemed like a good idea... just in case."

For the first time in the last hour, Apollo started to feel some hope. "Well, how many back-ups do we have?"

Helo looked at his chart. "We have 24 who've completed training, so that brings our total number of pilots to 32."

"33," Adama said from across the room without taking his eyes off the map. Apollo and Helo both shot him the same questioning look. "I can get back in the cockpit as well."

Apollo was in no mood to argue with his father right now. He turned back to Helo. "What about civilians on the other ships? Can any of them fly?"

"We're checking. We should know in the next hour or so how many pilots we have."

"All right," Apollo sighed. "Get back with me once we get an exact number."

"Yes, sir." Helo started to leave and seemed to think twice.

"Sir--- don't you think we should get Sharon in on this conversation as well?"

Apollo closed his eyes. "For all we know, Helo--- she's the one who contacted them."

Helo tried to push back his anger as he answered. "If she were going to do that... why would she wait a year? Why now?"

Apollo ran his fingers through his hair in exasperation. "Maybe she was waiting until she knew that we didn't have the resources to fight back. I don't know. All I know is--- I don't trust her."

Helo paused before answering. "With all due respect, sir. **I** trust her."

Apollo paused and looked at Helo. "Fine. Talk to her and just see what she says." Helo gave a slight nod and started to head for the door.

"Helo," Apollo called. Helo stopped and turned around. "Don't tell her about our back-up situation."

Helo looked a little upset, but nodded once again before he left the room.

Apollo leaned against the table and took a deep breath.

_33 Vipers vs. thousands of Raiders, _he thought. _Hardly seems like a fair fight._

He turned to his father, who seemed to be lost in thought.

"What do you think?" Apollo asked.

The Admiral seemed to be connected to that map. He still didn't look up.

"I think I'm an old fool," he said with a hint of anger in his voice. "I guess I just wanted to believe we could stop running."

Apollo nodded. "It's been a year. You're not the only one." He paused. "Somewhere in the back of your mind you must've thought there was a possibility they'd return. Otherwise we wouldn't have those back-up pilots."

Adama smiled slightly. "Old habits die hard. I didn't think we should be completely unprepared." He sighed and his voice got quieter. "We need to get a plan together and get back there. I know they're still alive."

Apollo wasn't sure what to say. Past experience would indicate that the Cylons would've destroyed the colony almost immediately. But something told him, too, that they were still alive.

Then it dawned on him why he felt that way. _Kara. I would know it if Kara had been killed._

Lee felt a slight pull in his chest. He'd been trying to push thoughts of Kara out of his mind for months now, but it couldn't be done. She was still his first thought every morning when he woke up and his last thought right before he fell asleep.

He had been keeping tabs on her to a certain extent... casually asking about her on those rare occasions where he talked to the Chief or someone else who'd moved down to the planet. Everyone he talked to told him she seemed fine, but a little more distant than usual.

Just moments before the Basestars jumped into orbit, she had called him. Old wounds immediately reopened--- and he grew even angrier when he realized that she'd only called to get "a favor." When she told him she thought Sam might die if Apollo didn't give up some medicine, he was ashamed at the first thought that went through his head. For a split second, he actually considered saying "no." _This is what you've done to me, Kara_, he thought.

But it turns out he didn't have to make that decision... because just seconds later, the Cylons were in orbit. And his world changed yet again.

All angry thoughts were pushed away as he immediately worried about Kara's safety. "Move," he had shouted into the comm as he hung up. He had to put further thoughts of her on hold as he called Pegasus into active alert.

When the Fleet jumped out of orbit a few minutes later, his thoughts turned back to Kara. He knew she could take care of herself. But he also knew those Basestars could obliterate the planet in just a matter of minutes... giving none of the colonists a chance to fight.

Even so, he could **feel** that she was still alive. He hoped to the gods that wasn't just wishful thinking.

He jumped back to the present as his father continued talking. "Every time we've encountered the Cylons, they've attacked almost immediately. This time, we were caught off-guard. They could've blown us out of the sky as soon as they arrived. And they didn't." He looked at Lee.

Lee realized that he was right. "They didn't fire a single shot," he said slowly.

The Admiral looked back down at the map. "No. Which means they must have something else in mind."

Lee's entire body relaxed. Kara **was** still alive. Now he just had to figure out a way to get to her.


	11. Chapter 11

**NOTE: **Thanks again for your really kind reviews...! I'm still asking for patience, I'm working toward getting Lee and Kara back together… but again--- Antarctica….! I'll try to keep updating each day to make the time move a little more quickly.

**Chapter Eleven**

Starbuck crouched at the entrance of the tent and slowly pulled back the flap with the barrel of her gun. It was starting to get dark outside, and the sounds of centurions rounding up colonists were starting to fade. A flash of metal in the distance prompted her to let the flap fall. She heard the sound of metallic feet moving closer.

"What's going on out there?" She jumped at the sound of Sam's voice. He had been going in and out of consciousness for the last several hours. She turned to him and put her finger to her lips.

The sound of footsteps grew louder and louder... and then stopped. Starbuck calmly released the safety on the pistol, pointed the gun at the closed tent flap, and placed her finger on the trigger. The footsteps resumed, but the sound grew fainter. The centurion had turned around. Starbuck exhaled and brought down the gun.

"That was close," she said under her breath. She moved over to Sam.

"How are you feeling?" she said as she placed her hand on the side of his face.

Sam coughed before replying. "I've been better. What's going on out there?"

"They seem to be putting people into groups and taking them somewhere," she said calmly. "I think it's only a matter of time before they start searching each tent."

Sam sat up. "Then we have to get out of here." Starbuck watched as he moved his feet to the floor and tried to stand, but fell back down immediately. He cursed under his breath and lay back on the bed. She placed her hand on his.

"We've still got some time," she said. "And I've got a lot of ammunition."

He shook his head. "Not enough." She knew he was right. But what choice did they have?

He answered that question. "You've got to go. Leave me here."

She shook her head at him. "No way. I'm not leaving without you."

He grabbed her wrist and held it tightly. "Kara, I can't go anywhere. There's no point in both of us being caught. You need to get out of here while you can."

She shook her head again. "I'm NOT leaving you here," she said through clenched teeth. "Don't ask me again."

Just then, the tent flap flew forward. Almost instantly, Starbuck responded by bringing up the gun she was already holding while pulling out the other from her waistband and pointing them both at the opening. She held her breath as the flap fell back. _It was the wind_, she realized. She exhaled and brought her hands down. They were shaking slightly.

Sam put his hand on hers. "Kara, how long have you been up now? 20 hours? 25? You can't keep this up. And you know as well as I do that it's only a matter of time before they find us."

Kara shook her head yet again.

Sam sounded weak, but seemed determined to change her mind. He continued. "Put that famous Thrace attitude aside for a moment and think about this. We haven't heard any gunshots or explosions. They don't seem to be killing people. At least not right away." He coughed. "So if you leave me here, I'm not necessarily dead. You--- however--- you could be sent back to one of those farms. That can't happen."

Kara held her breath. She couldn't take going back to a farm. They would strap her up to a machine... trying to impregnate her. She would rather die first. In fact, at one time, she **was** willing to die first.

She paused slightly before whispering, "Maybe we should carry out that pact that we had on Caprica."

She was referring to when she led the operation where she rescued Sam and the other resistance fighters. At one point, the group believed the Cylons had them cornered and were about to capture them. She had made Sam enter into a suicide pact--- they would kill each other before letting the Cylons take them as prisoners.

She turned to him. "I have two guns."

It was Sam's turn to shake his head. "No. That time, there was nowhere to go. Here, we have a choice. You can get out of here and get to the mountains. They could use you."

A tear fell down one of her cheeks. He looked into her eyes. "Kara. You know I'm right." He gave her a weak smile. "Plus, I'm going to need someone to come back for me and save my ass. And you can't do that if you're in prison, too."

Tears were streaming down Kara's cheeks now. She knew he was right. But she couldn't stand the thought leaving him alone. Her feelings for Sam were not as strong as the emotion she felt for Lee, but she still loved him. She slowly kissed him on the forehead, both cheeks, and his lips.

"OK..." she said as she wiped away tears from her face. "But here's the deal. I'm only going to the mountains to get backup... and we're coming back for you immediately. We're going to get you out of this tent before the Cylons find you." She handed him one of the loaded guns. "Are you strong enough to use this?"

He gave her a small smile. "Hey. You're talking to the man who scored three points in OT against Aquarion in the championship. I can handle anything."

She smiled back at him through her tears and gave a small sob as she said softly, "Actually, you would've only had two points if Connors hadn't been there to assist."

He coughed before chuckling softly. "Everybody's a critic."

She grabbed the bag she was carrying earlier and placed the rest of her pistols and ammunition inside. She could barely see through the tears when she went back to Sam and kissed him once again. "I'll be back for you," she whispered.

He looked at her. "I know."


	12. Chapter 12

**NOTE: **Sorry about the unexpected delay. I had a minor family emergency that took me out of town for a few days. I'm back now, but trying to catch up on a number of things… your patience is appreciated!

**Chapter Twelve**

Sharon stood at the war strategy table... frowning as she examined the Basestars on the chart.

She turned to look at Helo. "You're saying they didn't fire at all?"

"Not once," Helo said.

Sharon turned back to the table and stared at it for a few more seconds.

"I can't help you."

Helo moved next to her. "Sharon, Apollo and the Admiral have really been trying lately. You have your freedom---"

She interrupted in a flash of anger, "I would hardly call being under house arrest in our quarters 'freedom.'" She pointed to the guard standing in the doorway. "I wouldn't call being under constant watch by guards, 'freedom.'"

Helo placed his hand on hers to calm her down. "It's better than being held in a cage." He took his hand in hers. "We're married, right? That's some sign that the Admiral at least accepts that we are together. You have to admit that's a big step." She didn't look at him. He continued. "For the past year, we haven't seen any Cylons... which means there hasn't been a single situation where you could prove that you were no longer working with them. Now's your chance." He whispered, "Please reconsider."

Sharon sighed. "You don't understand. It's not that I **won't** help. I **can't**. I honestly don't know what their plan is."

"You have to have some idea."

Sharon turned to him. "Look, from the moment I was created, to the last time I connected with the Cylons... the group mission was the same. Eliminate humanity. Every move was based on accomplishing that goal. The only exceptions were women of child-bearing age who could be sent to farms on the colonies." She turned back to the table. "I guess it's possible that they decided to move their farm operations to New Caprica City, but that doesn't explain why they didn't attack Galactica and Pegasus. Getting rid of the remaining battlestars was a top priority."

She sighed and shook her head slowly. "I think their plans have changed. And I have no idea what they're up to."

They both turned at the sound of a door opening behind them. Lee and the Admiral were standing in the doorway.

Lee wasn't sure what to think of Sharon. The only thing he was certain of--- she was a Cylon. He had watched helplessly as another Sharon model pumped two bullets into his father's chest in a failed attempt to kill him.

**This** Sharon model had helped them in many situations before. But Lee seriously doubted that he would ever get to the point where he could completely trust her. Every time he saw her face, he couldn't help but flash back to that terrifying moment when he held his father just seconds after the shooting, not knowing if he was dead or alive.

Lee and his father moved into the room. Almost unconsciously, they stayed a safe distance away from Sharon.

The Admiral spoke first. "So?"

"We're working on it, Admiral," Helo said calmly. "But we've hit a snag."

Sharon gave him a sharp look. "What he's trying to say is that I can't help you."

Lee also shot a look at Helo. Helo shrugged.

"Sharon believes the Cylons' mission has changed," he said. "She isn't sure what they're planning now."

Lee and the Admiral looked at each other. They still didn't trust Sharon, but so far--- she had confirmed what they already suspected.

The Admiral turned back to Sharon and said with a steady voice, "I'd like you to take your best guess."

Sharon stared helplessly at the table for about thirty seconds before pointing to one corner. She turned to Helo as she pointed. "You say the Basestars appeared in this area over here. Before we jumped away, did you happen to notice whether they launched any Raiders?"

Helo looked back at the sheet he was holding. "We don't have an exact number, but yes--- they did launch some Raiders."

"Where were the Raiders headed? Toward the Fleet or the planet?"

"The planet."

"Did they appear to be heading directly for New Caprica City... or somewhere else on the planet?"

Helo flipped a page on the chart. "The last known coordinates show them directly over the city."

She crossed her arms and continued to look down at the map. Helo walked up beside her. "What are you thinking?" he asked.

"This is a long shot, but here's what I **think** might be happening." She turned to look at Lee and Adama. "There were two factions of Elders."

Lee, the Admiral, and Helo all gave her the same questioning look. She slowed down a bit. "Elders--- the first generation of Cylons. The centurions involved in the first war with humanity."

She turned away. "Anyway, there were two factions. There were those who felt humanity was inferior and flawed beyond redemption, and simply needed to be eliminated..." She paused. "And those who also felt that humans were inferior and flawed... but should be made to pay for their behavior."

Lee felt himself tense up. This didn't sound good. "As if genocide wasn't payment enough," he said with some force behind his voice.

"Not in the Cylons' eyes, Apollo. The elimination option was seen as a positive solution for everyone. Humans would be put out of their misery--- because God destined them for eternal damnation anyway. And God would be pleased because the race that threw everything out of balance would no longer exist. There would finally be harmony in the Universe."

"Harmony?" Lee said incredulously. "That's the most frakked---!" The Admiral put his hand on Lee's arm, stopping him. Lee clenched his teeth and walked away.

The Admiral looked back at Sharon. "Continue," he said.

She seemed to hesitate before continuing. "It was decided that elimination was the best solution. But there was always a silent, very small minority who believed that elimination was too merciful... they thought---"

She stopped and looked at Helo for reassurance. He gave her a small smile.

"It's ok," he said softly.

"They thought humans should be treated the same way the Elders were treated," she said slowly. "They thought humans should be made to serve Cylons."

Silence filled the room for a few moments. The Admiral spoke first.

"You mean slaves."

She looked at him for several seconds before answering. "Essentially."

Lee came up behind his father. "So you think they came back so they could rule over humanity?"

She looked at him. "It's certainly possible. I can't think of why else they would ignore the fleet and go directly to the city. Even if they were simply moving their farm operations from the Colonies to the new planet, they would've destroyed Galactica, Pegasus and the rest of the fleet... and then landed somewhere AWAY from the city where they could easily set up farm facilities without too much resistance. They knew the colonists would have nowhere to run."

Helo, the Admiral, and Lee stood quietly... absorbing what she'd just said.

Lee couldn't stop thinking of Kara. He knew that she wouldn't agree to serve Cylons willingly. He shuddered at the thought of what might happen to her if she resisted.

The Admiral continued to look at Sharon as he spoke. "Helo, you and your wife may go back to your quarters now."

Helo looked from Lee to Sharon to the Admiral and back to Sharon. "C'mon, let's go," he said. He took Sharon's arm and led her to the door. She stopped once she got there and turned around.

"I can get you down to the planet without being discovered."

Lee hesitated. Part of him wanted to say to his father, there is no way we can trust her. But a larger part of him desperately wanted to believe that there was a way to get back to Kara. He kept his mouth shut.

The Admiral didn't turn to look at Sharon as he said quietly, "We'll keep that in mind."

Sharon, Helo, and the guard left the room. The door closed behind them.

The Admiral turned to Lee. "You believe her?"

Lee shrugged. "I don't know. But I don't think we have much of a choice at this point."

"Agreed."


	13. Chapter 13

**Note: Sincerest apologies. The realities of life have kept me away--- my family emergency created a snowball effect at work… sorry. I'm almost (but not completely) there. Thanks to Karie--- who reminded me (nicely) on the Skiffy board that I really needed to get back to it...!  
**

**Here's a quick recap:**

**We are now past the Season Two finale.**

**Kara had to leave Anders to get backup to try to save him.**

**Lee and Adama have begrudgingly decided to take up Sharon on her offer of safe passage back to New Caprica. **

**Chapter Thirteen**

Kara peeked her head up above the wall and peered through the sights of her rifle down at the dim lights of New Caprica City. It was eerily silent. At any given time, there were always at least a few dozen people walking the paths... but tonight, not a soul was in sight.

Even the centurions seemed to be gone. Which immediately put her on edge.

_Where did they go?_ she thought.

She sat back down behind the wall and looked at Tyrol and the other four colonists she'd brought back with her from the mountains. With the exception of Tyrol, they appeared nervous. So nervous that she decided she shouldn't bring them down into the city with her immediately.

"I'm going to do some recon," she said as she loaded her rifle. The colonists looked at her quizzically. She sighed and said slowly and deliberately, "I'm going first. Once I get down there, I'll radio you with the all-clear and you---" she pointed at the colonists, "you will come down and help me get Sam out of the tent." She shot an exasperated look at Tyrol, who slightly shrugged. She motioned for him to follow her… and led him away from the others.

"Chief, what the hell...," Starbuck said slowly.

He held up his hand. "This is the best I could do. I rounded up 167 people, which is pretty good given the short amount of time we had to get out of there."

Starbuck threw her hand up into the air. "You couldn't find ANY other pilots, Marines... anyone who might know what the frak a rifle is, much less how to use it?"

He looked at her. "C'mon Captain. Most of the time, you guys were riding my ass to get your planes back up in the air. The crew and the pilots didn't exactly have the best relationship on Galactica, and you expect me to keep up with them on New Caprica?"

Starbuck still held onto the rifle with one hand and ran her hand through her hair with the other. "Frak," she whispered. "Okay. Fair enough."

She looked over at the colonists, who were all looking nervously in their direction, and turned back to Tyrol.

"I want you to be honest with me. You think they can handle this? This is not going to be easy."

"Look, Captain. These are good people. Hard workers. If you need us to be there--- we'll be there."

Starbuck realized she didn't really have a choice.

"Okay," she said reluctantly. "Then let's do this." She and the Chief walked back over to the others.

"Here's what's going to happen," she said slowly. "I'm going to leave you here with Tyrol. You wait for my signal, then come down to help me with Sam." She looked at all of them squarely in the eyes. "Got it?"

They nodded. Starbuck sighed, turned to the Chief and held up her radio. "No contact until you hear from me. If you don't hear from me in an hour, go back."

Tyrol didn't look thrilled about that plan, but nodded. "You got it, captain."

Kara headed toward the lights.

_**Onboard Pegasus**_

Lee stood in the pilot's briefing room and looked over at Dee. She looked as though she was trying to concentrate on what Helo was saying to all of the senior officers and pilots in the room, but couldn't. She glanced over at Lee. He held her gaze for a moment before looking away.

_What the frak am I going to do now? _he thought.

"...Pegasus will jump to these coordinates... just out of dradis range of the Basestars...," Helo was saying.

Lee already knew the plan Sharon had presented to them, and found his mind wandering as well. He and Dee had just started to become close again after four months of not talking. He had appreciated her company, given the fact that he'd lost his best friend.

_Kara,_ he thought. _Gods, why can't I get her out of my system?_

Over the past six months, it had been painfully clear to him that he still had feelings for her. He'd neglected his own health because he'd decided that he just didn't care about anything anymore.

He was temporarily brought back into the present by Helo's presentation. "We'll take four Vipers and a Raider to the planet. Sharon and I will be on the Raider--- she'll connect with the Cylons and block our signatures until we land somewhere safely outside the city. The remaining---"

"Excuse me, sir," one of the pilots interrupted. "If she can block Viper signatures, why can't we ALL head back to New Caprica?"

Helo gave a small smile. "Because even though she can block us on dradis, she can't make us invisible. If we all go back, the Raiders that are patrolling the planet will undoubtedly make visual contact. They're less likely to see five of us." He paused. "Besides, this is just a recon mission. We're going back to see what we can find out, then we'll come back and put together a plan."

He pointed back at the map and continued. "A dozen Vipers will run regular CAP runs around Pegasus during..."

Lee lost Helo's voice again as his thoughts turned back to Dee. He'd been so lonely without Kara that in recent weeks, a tiny part of him had hoped that he and Dee might be able to get back together. And things had been on that track--- until the Cylon attack.

Helo's voice broke his concentration yet again. "... and once we get the information we need, we'll head back to Pegasus--- which will be ready to jump just in case we're discovered..."

Lee's mind wandered again. He knew he was still angry with Kara. How could he not be? But it wasn't until the attack that he realized--- with some surprise--- his feelings of anger were completely overshadowed by the fact that he needed her in his life. A fact that hit home when he thought he'd lost her. Even if she chose to stay with Sam, he needed her in his life in SOME way. It was just too painful without her.

Helo's presentation was over. As the pilots started to head out the door, Dee walked over to Lee.

"So," she said quietly. "I assume you will be in one of those Vipers."

He felt his jaw tighten before he said, "You assume correctly."

"Is it because you're one of the best pilots in the Fleet… or because you want to see if you can find **her**?"

He looked down and gave a heavy sigh. "Dee---"

"Look Lee," she interrupted. "I won't be hurt a second time. If you want to be with Kara, you need to let me know… **now**."

Lee didn't like ultimatums. And right now, he didn't feel like explaining himself. He just stared at her for a couple of seconds before replying.

"See you later, Dee." He walked out the door and headed to the hangar bay.


End file.
